Saturday, January 4, 2014

Week 14: Why our baby is named Aardvark. For now.

  *These posts come from a journal I kept when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't publish, as it was a big secret until the first trimester was over. I'm actually 26 weeks pregnant as I hit "publish" on this bad boy, so don't be confused*

This week, I'm not going to do a normal update, but instead answer one of your BURNING QUESTIONS!!! Odd that you would have burning questions as I'm actually writing this before I've published it on the blog. But trust me, you've got 'em. And they are burning. you. UP.

So, the short and strange history of Aardvark is that before we got pregnant, or really even tried to get pregnant, my mom referred to my future child as “Aardvark.” As in, “You'll need a more reliable car for lil' aardvark.” You should also know that my mom is a little nuts, but in a totally fun way, not a oh-how-sad-her-mother-has-real-mental-problems way. Like, here's a real life conversation between my mom and I this week:

(At Home Depot, getting paint samples)

Mom: (sees paint boy behind the counter, whose pants are sagging) Do you know the secret of the sagging pants?

Me: Like, the secret of the traveling pants?

Mom: Ha ha, what? No. The secret of the sagging pants.

Me: Nope, mom, I give up. Tell me the secret of the sagging pants.

Mom: (whispers) SUSPENDERS.

Me: Um.....no. Wrong.

Mom: Um, yes! I READ IT IN THE PAPER! Sam Venable (local humor writer for our newspaper) wrote at article on how all the kids wear suspenders under their pants so that they sag, but don't fall down. You NEVER SEE THEM FALL DOWN!!

Me: Yes I do! Do you know where I work?

Mom: …..(whispers)....suspenders......

So, that's a bit of my mom. She's hilarious and I adore her. So when she decided our future child was named “Aardvark”, we went with it.
When we first found out about Aardvark, I thought, “I should buy a toy aardvark for the nursery! How cute and sentimental!”. Then, I googled “aardvark” and THIS SHIT CAME UP:




“Aw, it's so cute with its HAIRLESS, SCALY SKIN, TINY BEADY EYES AND HUGE FREAKING CLAWS”. Holy hell. Needless to say, an aardvark themed nursery is OUT. I did find this aardvark toy:



But, am I crazy, or is thing still sporting some pretty legit claws? I'm just not sure how a baby would react to this.... I think we're going to roll with this instead:



A nice throw to “Aardvark” with less of the 6 inch claws of death. Woohoo for compromise! 

*Update: my mom actually bought us this wooden Aardvark for Christmas. IRONY*

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