Thursday, December 26, 2013

Week 12, or “The one where my head hurt for 7 days straight.”

 *These posts come from a journal I kept when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't publish, as it was a big secret until the first trimester was over. I'm actually 24 weeks pregnant as I hit "publish" on this bad boy, so don't be confused*

Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

So, I've been really lucky to escape almost all horrible 1st trimester symptoms: I never had morning sickness, I really haven't been THAT emotional (unless there's Easy Mac around), and I've only had to miss half a day of work because of pregnancy symptoms. Overall, I have nothing to complain about. However, one unpleasant part of pregnancy is that all the good drugs are off limits. No Aleve. No Advil. No Icy/Hot. These are the good drugs, at least in my world. In pregnancy town, only Tylenol is allowed, which is too bad, as my headaches laugh and point at Tylenol.

So, at the beginning of the 12th week, I started to have a dull headache. By day 3, it was pretty strong. By day 4, I couldn't get out of bed, because that's where the sun is. I spent all day with my head under a pillow, trying every “homemade” remedy I could think of. Something must have worked, because by day 5, I could face the sun again, and finally, by the end of the week, it had subsided. If I only could take 2 Aleve, it would have been gone in half an hour. Oh, the things we do so our baby won't have 3 legs.

Stats

Baby is the size of a: peach, which sounds pretty damn big until you skip ahead a few weeks and see that baby will end up being the size of a WATERMELON, which makes me whimper like a kicked puppy.

How I'm feeling: Now that the headache's gone, I just feel fat. Sooooooooooooo fat.

How much weight have I gained: Dude, I don't know. I stopped getting on that little bitch days ago when it said I'd gained 7 pounds.

Cravings: Starbursts, allllllll day. Just typing that word made my mouth water. Luckily, starbursts are packed full of healthy things like “hydrogenated palm kernel oil”, which I'm sure is CRUCIAL in fetal development....

How Russell's doing: Super duper. He's in the middle of band season, so I don't see him much, which is probably good because when I do, all I do is make demands of him. Mostly involving starbursts and cleaning the litter box.

How the nursery is coming along: So, Russell called AND texted the contractor a week ago, and he responded “I will call you tomorrow”.  A week ago. Russell's on fall break this coming week, and he vows to me that he will find the contractor, even if it means driving to his house. :)

Lies I've had to tell / tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
Well, here's the thing: my co-workers are totally onto me. But even though we are officially 2nd trimester people, I don't want to tell anyone until next Friday, when my concert is over. That's just a "me" thing: I'm best when I'm focused on 1 life event at a time. So, we're just skirting the issue and pretending everyone's in the dark.

Best part of being pregnant this week: Those jeans I found in week 10? They still fit. But, on Friday, I had to unbutton them for the first time.

Worst part of being pregnant this week: Being in that horrible “not quite pregnant, just fat looking” stage. Also, everything I wear makes me look, brace yourself, pregnant. Which is fine, except we haven't told everyone, so..... awkward.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Week 10, or “The one with the not-so-Easy-Mac”

 *These posts come from a journal I kept when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't publish, as it was a big secret until the first trimester was over. I'm actually 22 weeks pregnant as I hit "publish" on this bad boy, so don't be confused*

Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

Um, what happened to week 9? Hmmm. Math's never been my thing.

Week 10 marked an interesting transition from physical symptoms (exhaustion, sore boobs) to emotional symptoms (crying. Anger towards strangers. So much more crying). On the plus side, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I don't come home and crash from 4-6:30 every day. Some days, yes, but not every day! I can do normal household tasks without feeling like I have to go to bed when it's still light out.

On the negative side, whatever is going on in my uterus is making me GRUMPY. Like, really grumpy. Strangers, in particular, have really been on my bad side this week. I'm also prone to blurting things out during meetings that I might have otherwise kept to myself. Like, this week, a co-worker asked to have one of my cookies at lunch. But she asked in a baby voice, which is not my fave. Usually, I would have just ignored it and given her a cookie, but this week I was all, “IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING LIKE THAT, IMMAHURTYOOOOOOO!!!”  To my credit, I did give her a cookie after the verbal abuse. And to her credit, we're still friends. :)

Then there's the Easy Mac debacle. Or, Hard Mac, as I like to call it now.

So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Russell gets home at 7 pm because of band rehearsal. I am starving for dinner around, oh, 4:45, so he has to leave meals that I can make myself. This really limits what we can have for dinner, as the last time I lived alone, I used my oven for storage.

This past Thursday, he left me fish sticks, microwave veggies, and Easy Mac. The fish sticks and vegetables were no problem. Sadly, it was the EASY Mac that threw me.

See, you're supposed to add the water, microwave, and THEN add the cheese powder. Well, I added the powder first. Then, spent half an hour picking all the teeny, tiny, macaronis out of the powder. During this time, Russell came home, saw what I was doing, and made himself scarce. He's very smart.

Once I'd picked all the f*@#$ing macaroni bits out of the powder, I added the water and microwaved the first one. Three and a half minutes later, I opened the microwave door to find that it had exploded all over the place.

That's when the evening really went south.

I think I yelled something to the effect of “I'M JUST GOING TO DRINK WATER AND SIT ON THE COUCH AND NEVER COOK AGAIN!!!!!! as I flung myself on the couch like a toddler and cried. For, like, 20 minutes.

And my sweet, dear, patient husband assured me that this was not the end of the world and then ran out the door to buy more “Easy” Mac. He deserves a medal, really.

While he was gone, I composed myself and by then time he came home, I was normal again. Well, as normal as I get right now. And he made the “Easy Mac” for me so I didn't have to subsist on just water for the rest of my life.

So, that's the news! If I yelled at you this week, I apologize. Unless you're the maker of “Easy” Mac and then YOU CAN GO #*%*!* YOURSELF IN YOUR @#*!.

Like I said, there's been a little irrational anger.

Sidenote: This week, the baby app told me that this was the time when Aardvark would lose his TAIL.

Um, what??? He had a tail? This miracle of life thing is freaky. When I told Bethany, her response was, “Well, at least you HOPE he's lost his tail...”

Gulp.

Stats

Baby is the size of a: kumquat. Who the heck knows what a kumquat is? Personally, I think it sounds like a mixture of a couple really filthy words. 

 

Oh, so I just looked it up and turns out it's basically the cutest little mini orange you've ever seen. Now I feel bad about saying its name was dirty words. Oy.

How I'm feeling: Pretty good! I'm a terrifying combination of angry and awake.

How much weight have I gained: Ugh. 5.2 pounds. I blame the M&M diet of weeks gone by.

Cravings: This week, my baby app told me that the most crucial part of development was now OVER. Which means my baby is made up of Cheetos, M&Ms, and Mr. Gatti's pizza buffet. Basically, if Aardvark doesn't do well on the SATs, you can blame me.

How Russell's doing: Really well, considering he lives with Helga, the Husband Eater.

How the nursery is coming along: I texted the contractor to see if he got my email and he responded! Said that he'd let me know by the end of the week when he could start the job. That was last Wednesday. It's Sunday. Sigh...

Lies I've had to tell / tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
The other day, during breakfast duty, I was standing next to a teacher who was holding a bucket full of water/cleaner mix. She kept trying to talk to me and it was all I could do to not puke all over her. Actually, everyone in breakfast duty (which is 8 am til 8:20 every freaking day) probably thinks I'm a huge slack ass. I'm always late (mornings are hard when you're preggo!!), I can't stand the smell of anything our cafeteria serves (fried “chicken” patty covered in hot sauce for breakfast?? Pass), and I sit down half the time. And by half, I mean all.

Best part of being pregnant this week: I found a pair of jeans, buried in my drawer, that still button!! Suck on that, 5.2 pounds!

Worst part of being pregnant this week: I only found that one pair of jeans that fits....

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Week 8 or "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

 **These posts are taken from a journal I started when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't want to publish at that time, as it was a big secret. In real time, as I post this, I'm 21 weeks, so don't let the dates mess with ya**
Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

You may have noticed a real lack of “Week 7”. That's because I was asleep for all of it. Well, not the part where I was at work. But all the other parts.

I can't say that I was more awake in Week 8, but my body has at least settled into a routine: I wake up fine, go through most of the work day fine (occasionally I want to crash after lunch, but it's manageable). It's when I get home that I can't keep my eyes open. From 4:30-6:30, I am a zombie. So sorry to any scheduled events during that time that I have totally flaked on in the last few weeks!
Two exciting things happened this week: I told Bethany, the girl I co-teach with. I had to tell her – we work together, like in the same room, 8 hours a day. And have for a decade. So, she knows me pretty well and she knows when somethings up. I knew she was on to me and there was just no point in hiding it anymore. Plus, it's sure nice to have someone at work in on the secret!

Second: Aardvark graduated from an embryo to a fetus, which is only a slightly less creepy word. Also, we call the baby “Aardvark”. We'll save that story for later.

Stats

Baby is the size of a: kidney bean

How I'm feeling: Exhausted. And my boobs hurt. (Sorry Dad) Hungry all the time. And I have a little trouble sleeping – just can't get comfortable or wake up 3 times a night. But now I'm going to quit complaining because I have not had any morning sickness. Knock on wood.

How much weight have I gained: 3 pounds. I'm actually shocked I've only gained 3. I'm eating like it's going out of style. Like, one night I had 3 dinners, all on the couch. I just stacked my dinner plates, one on top of the other, on our end table. It was classy. Usually just thinking about food after dinner makes me gain a pound. Also, there was no working out this week – we tried to go running one day and it was so hot, we both quit.

Cravings: Um, not fruit....I'm working on that, or this baby is going to be made of cheetos and fried chicken.

How Russell's doing: Swimmingly, as usual! In week 7, he got to tell one of his coworkers, so he was happy about that.

How the nursery is coming along: Well, I emailed the contractor and told him our situation. He hasn't emailed back yet. Not sure if that's a good sign.....

Lies I've had to tell / tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
“I have a school meeting / prior engagement / have to wash my hair” - to anyone who has scheduled anything after 4:30 in the afternoon. Sorry Home Tour Committee meetings!!
“I can't play laserquest with the kids because, um, my knee hurts....” - And because I'm afraid lasers would give Aardvark 3 legs.

Best part of being pregnant this week: Unlimited M&Ms.

Worst part of being pregnant this week: I don't have any pants that are comfortable anymore. I bought a “Belly Band” and, um, awkward. I mean, it looks fine, but in my mind I'm all, “DUDE, MY PANTS ARE UNBUTTONED”. I see why pregnant women in the 80's wore caftans 24/7: they look super comfy. Plus, who really strives to be fashionable during pregnancy?? I don't understand those women. Oh wait, I'm not fashionable when I'm not pregnant.