Sunday, January 26, 2014

Week 18 or “Baby fails to hit first milestone and is now doomed to life of mediocrity”

Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

So far, Aardvark has been hitting those milestones like a CHAMP. When the baby app's all “Your baby's ears on the correct side of its head now!”, I'm all, “YEAH THEY ARE!”. And when the app is all “Your baby's head is now 30% of its body mass!”, I'm all, “SUCK ON THAT, SMALL HEADED BABIES!” And when the baby app says “your baby now pees into their amniotic sac and then inhales it through their mouth and nose”, I'm all “WHAT THE HELL, MAN? THAT'S NOT OKAY”.

But this week, the baby app said “Now that you've felt your baby moving.....”

Um, say what? Gotta be honest, I haven't felt squat. Great. Our baby is officially behind the times. All the cool babies are kickin' up a storm and my baby is just chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool.


Baby is the size of a(n): Sweet potato. Now, you'd think you'd be able to feel something the size of a side dish at Texas Roadhouse moving around in your abdomen, but NO. YOU CAN'T.

How I'm feeling: Pretty good, aside from the constant worrying about my lazy baby. I go through these phases where first, we go to the doctor, who tells us everything is fine. I feel super for a week or so. Then, I start to freak out a lot. The week before the next doctor's appointment, I'm a hot mess. (“There is no baby in here, it's JUST BAGELS.”) Russell talks me down. We go to doctor, everything's fine. Repeat.

How much weight have I gained: 13 pounds. I'm cool with it. :)

Cravings: Sweets, all the time. And I'm SO THIRSTY.

How Russell's doing: Russell is pretty much the best husband ever. The other night, I was walking the dog and it started raining, so the dog and I started running back to the house. I look up and there's Russell, busting out of the house, presumably to come rescue me from the rain. :) So cute.

How the nursery is coming along: Y'all, that nursery is almost done! As in, it almost has walls and non-exposed wiring and no lead paint. Contractor has been here for a few days and Russell gave the walls 2 coats of “Sea Mist” which is basically really, really light mint green. Next week we (re: the people we are paying) will get the moldings back up and then it's onto refinishing the floors! Whew!

Tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
I've taken out the “lies we've had to tell” section, since we're now out of the closet so to speak. This past week, I've had to avoid paint fumes (although I read they're actually not that bad. Still, it was an excuse not to paint).

Best part of being pregnant this week:Seeing the nursery come together! It's as if there will be a tiny person living in there soon.  

Worst part of being pregnant this week: Having a super long to-do list that I can only do half of by myself. I'm what some may call “controlling”. I prefer “involved”. So, having to wait for someone else to do things like paint is kind of frustrating.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Week 15, or “The one where I puke in my car.”

You know the drill by now - this journal is old, I'm super pregg-o (27 weeks today actually), blah blah blah. - Becca, from the future

Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

First of all: 2nd trimester, baby!!! woot!

Second: Remember all those previous posts where I was all, “I haven't had any morning sickness at all! I'm just the luckiest mother to be EVER!”??

Well, you know what they say about karma.

This week was the week I got to experience what most moms feel for the entire first trimester: morning sickness. And it was a BITCH. Sorry mom.

My first little bout was on Sunday morning before church. I won't give you all the dirty details, but it was what you'd expect: got up, felt gross, lost my cookies, felt better.

But then Wednesday came. I woke up feeling awful. Tried to lie down. Nope. Tried to eat something bland. Nope. Tossed the cookies a couple times. Still felt awful. Texted all coworkers with the dirty details. Tried lying down again. Horrible.

Eventually, it got to be that time of the morning where I HAVE to get in the car and drive to work or I'm going to be late for my first class. I knew this wasn't going to end well, but I got in the car. With a plastic bag.

I made it through 4 right turns before I used the bag. In my car. While driving. It was a low moment.

Then, I have to brag on Russell – I pulled over, sobbing, holding a bag full of my own vomit, and called him. And he was very sweet and told me to just go home and try again in a few hours. We're REALLY trying not to waste all my sick days on nonsense like this, so taking a day makes me feel super guilty. But he was really sweet about it :)

And luckily, after I went home, cleaned up, and disposed of the bag, I felt a lot better. Good enough to go into work and teach my last 2 classes.

I haven't had any more morning sickness – maybe that was the end of it....? Oh, as I type that sentence I can feel karma glaring at me...


Baby is the size of a(n): avocado! Makes me think of guacamole which sounds amaze-balls right now.

How I'm feeling: When I'm not hurling, I feel pretty good. I started having round ligament pain (re: pain from the ligaments around the belly stretching) and it's not my fave, but not too bad.

How much weight have I gained: 10 pounds. I'm pretty proud of this considering the other day I stopped at a bakery, spent like $15.00 on carbs, and then went through the Einstein Bagel drive thru and bought 3 damn bagels.

Cravings: Nothing too big this week!

How Russell's doing: Really well! He didn't even glare at me when I made him drive all the way back to church after choir rehearsal to get my phone. Which was in my pocket.

How the nursery is coming along: Progress!! Contractor says he'll start next week. We've cleared the whole thing out, so it's ready for demo. Oddly, Bijou has pooped in it every day this week. The dog never poops in the house until we clean this room out. What the what??

Lies I've had to tell / tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
Oh, we told everyone over the past 2 weeks! We announced it in choir and at church, I told all of my students, mom told everyone at her church, I posted something on Facebook. We're official. :)

Best part of being pregnant this week: My baby bump is pretty legit now, so I look more pregnant than just fat!

Worst part of being pregnant this week: It got cold, so I packed up all my summer clothes. Before closing the lid, I said a little prayer that I would see them again, on my body, not in a bag for goodwill because I've gained so much bagel weight, I can only wear clothing custom made for me by Omar, the tent maker....

Yes, I know this says "Week 16", but let's face it, I didn't blog that week. So, you get pictures a week early!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Week 14: Why our baby is named Aardvark. For now.

  *These posts come from a journal I kept when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't publish, as it was a big secret until the first trimester was over. I'm actually 26 weeks pregnant as I hit "publish" on this bad boy, so don't be confused*

This week, I'm not going to do a normal update, but instead answer one of your BURNING QUESTIONS!!! Odd that you would have burning questions as I'm actually writing this before I've published it on the blog. But trust me, you've got 'em. And they are burning. you. UP.

So, the short and strange history of Aardvark is that before we got pregnant, or really even tried to get pregnant, my mom referred to my future child as “Aardvark.” As in, “You'll need a more reliable car for lil' aardvark.” You should also know that my mom is a little nuts, but in a totally fun way, not a oh-how-sad-her-mother-has-real-mental-problems way. Like, here's a real life conversation between my mom and I this week:

(At Home Depot, getting paint samples)

Mom: (sees paint boy behind the counter, whose pants are sagging) Do you know the secret of the sagging pants?

Me: Like, the secret of the traveling pants?

Mom: Ha ha, what? No. The secret of the sagging pants.

Me: Nope, mom, I give up. Tell me the secret of the sagging pants.

Mom: (whispers) SUSPENDERS.

Me: Wrong.

Mom: Um, yes! I READ IT IN THE PAPER! Sam Venable (local humor writer for our newspaper) wrote at article on how all the kids wear suspenders under their pants so that they sag, but don't fall down. You NEVER SEE THEM FALL DOWN!!

Me: Yes I do! Do you know where I work?

Mom: …..(whispers)....suspenders......

So, that's a bit of my mom. She's hilarious and I adore her. So when she decided our future child was named “Aardvark”, we went with it.
When we first found out about Aardvark, I thought, “I should buy a toy aardvark for the nursery! How cute and sentimental!”. Then, I googled “aardvark” and THIS SHIT CAME UP:

“Aw, it's so cute with its HAIRLESS, SCALY SKIN, TINY BEADY EYES AND HUGE FREAKING CLAWS”. Holy hell. Needless to say, an aardvark themed nursery is OUT. I did find this aardvark toy:

But, am I crazy, or is thing still sporting some pretty legit claws? I'm just not sure how a baby would react to this.... I think we're going to roll with this instead:

A nice throw to “Aardvark” with less of the 6 inch claws of death. Woohoo for compromise! 

*Update: my mom actually bought us this wooden Aardvark for Christmas. IRONY*