Thursday, December 5, 2013

Week 10, or “The one with the not-so-Easy-Mac”

 *These posts come from a journal I kept when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't publish, as it was a big secret until the first trimester was over. I'm actually 22 weeks pregnant as I hit "publish" on this bad boy, so don't be confused*

Warning: any baby posts might involve some unappetizing talk including, but not limited to: my lady parts, peeing, and the word “fetus”. Proceed with caution.

Um, what happened to week 9? Hmmm. Math's never been my thing.

Week 10 marked an interesting transition from physical symptoms (exhaustion, sore boobs) to emotional symptoms (crying. Anger towards strangers. So much more crying). On the plus side, I'm starting to feel like myself again. I don't come home and crash from 4-6:30 every day. Some days, yes, but not every day! I can do normal household tasks without feeling like I have to go to bed when it's still light out.

On the negative side, whatever is going on in my uterus is making me GRUMPY. Like, really grumpy. Strangers, in particular, have really been on my bad side this week. I'm also prone to blurting things out during meetings that I might have otherwise kept to myself. Like, this week, a co-worker asked to have one of my cookies at lunch. But she asked in a baby voice, which is not my fave. Usually, I would have just ignored it and given her a cookie, but this week I was all, “IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING LIKE THAT, IMMAHURTYOOOOOOO!!!”  To my credit, I did give her a cookie after the verbal abuse. And to her credit, we're still friends. :)

Then there's the Easy Mac debacle. Or, Hard Mac, as I like to call it now.

So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Russell gets home at 7 pm because of band rehearsal. I am starving for dinner around, oh, 4:45, so he has to leave meals that I can make myself. This really limits what we can have for dinner, as the last time I lived alone, I used my oven for storage.

This past Thursday, he left me fish sticks, microwave veggies, and Easy Mac. The fish sticks and vegetables were no problem. Sadly, it was the EASY Mac that threw me.

See, you're supposed to add the water, microwave, and THEN add the cheese powder. Well, I added the powder first. Then, spent half an hour picking all the teeny, tiny, macaronis out of the powder. During this time, Russell came home, saw what I was doing, and made himself scarce. He's very smart.

Once I'd picked all the f*@#$ing macaroni bits out of the powder, I added the water and microwaved the first one. Three and a half minutes later, I opened the microwave door to find that it had exploded all over the place.

That's when the evening really went south.

I think I yelled something to the effect of “I'M JUST GOING TO DRINK WATER AND SIT ON THE COUCH AND NEVER COOK AGAIN!!!!!! as I flung myself on the couch like a toddler and cried. For, like, 20 minutes.

And my sweet, dear, patient husband assured me that this was not the end of the world and then ran out the door to buy more “Easy” Mac. He deserves a medal, really.

While he was gone, I composed myself and by then time he came home, I was normal again. Well, as normal as I get right now. And he made the “Easy Mac” for me so I didn't have to subsist on just water for the rest of my life.

So, that's the news! If I yelled at you this week, I apologize. Unless you're the maker of “Easy” Mac and then YOU CAN GO #*%*!* YOURSELF IN YOUR @#*!.

Like I said, there's been a little irrational anger.

Sidenote: This week, the baby app told me that this was the time when Aardvark would lose his TAIL.

Um, what??? He had a tail? This miracle of life thing is freaky. When I told Bethany, her response was, “Well, at least you HOPE he's lost his tail...”



Baby is the size of a: kumquat. Who the heck knows what a kumquat is? Personally, I think it sounds like a mixture of a couple really filthy words. 


Oh, so I just looked it up and turns out it's basically the cutest little mini orange you've ever seen. Now I feel bad about saying its name was dirty words. Oy.

How I'm feeling: Pretty good! I'm a terrifying combination of angry and awake.

How much weight have I gained: Ugh. 5.2 pounds. I blame the M&M diet of weeks gone by.

Cravings: This week, my baby app told me that the most crucial part of development was now OVER. Which means my baby is made up of Cheetos, M&Ms, and Mr. Gatti's pizza buffet. Basically, if Aardvark doesn't do well on the SATs, you can blame me.

How Russell's doing: Really well, considering he lives with Helga, the Husband Eater.

How the nursery is coming along: I texted the contractor to see if he got my email and he responded! Said that he'd let me know by the end of the week when he could start the job. That was last Wednesday. It's Sunday. Sigh...

Lies I've had to tell / tasks I've had to avoid since we haven't told anyone we're pregnant yet:
The other day, during breakfast duty, I was standing next to a teacher who was holding a bucket full of water/cleaner mix. She kept trying to talk to me and it was all I could do to not puke all over her. Actually, everyone in breakfast duty (which is 8 am til 8:20 every freaking day) probably thinks I'm a huge slack ass. I'm always late (mornings are hard when you're preggo!!), I can't stand the smell of anything our cafeteria serves (fried “chicken” patty covered in hot sauce for breakfast?? Pass), and I sit down half the time. And by half, I mean all.

Best part of being pregnant this week: I found a pair of jeans, buried in my drawer, that still button!! Suck on that, 5.2 pounds!

Worst part of being pregnant this week: I only found that one pair of jeans that fits....

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