Sunday, February 26, 2017

I have the bubble guts: a misinterpretation of "The Sound of Music"

Well kids, it’s that time of year again: “Sound of Music” test time! Every year, my sixth grade chorus studies the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, “The Sound of Music”. At the end of the unit, they take a test. Most of them do great! Some of them….not so much. For your enjoyment, here are some of the best (re: worst) answers. Test questions are in blue, kids answers are in italicized red, bad spelling and all…. My comments are in (black)

*Disclaimer: these answers do, thankfully, represent only a small portion of the kids I teach. Most students aced this bad boy, no problem. So don't go thinking that I'm the crappiest teacher ever or that I just pop in the video and then give them a hard test so I can make fun of them. No, no, we did actually study this, complete with 2 days of review games before the test! Which makes these answers all the more perplexing. :)

I like to start off with horrible spellings of nazi: Natisees, Noxies, the Nastis, Naze, Notsece’s, Nootecez, Notiosones

Next, fill in the blanks with 1 letter each to form each Vontrapp child’s name!

1. __ I E S __ (Liesl): AIESL, LIESS

2. F R I E ___ R I C H (Friedrich):  Frieerich, Friefrich

3. L O U I __  __ (Louisa):louiau, Louios  

4. B __ I G I ___ T A (Brigitta): Buigietta,

5. ___ A R T A (Marta): Barta,

6. G ___ E T ___ (Gretl): Gieti, Geetie,

(And yes, in the style of Maria VonTrapp, yours truly left off Kurt (“GOD BLESS KURT!”).  Guess how many kids caught it? 0. )

Complete the titles of the 10 songs in “The Sound of Music” – some letters and blanks are provided. 

1.    E________________________ (1 word) (Edelweiss)
Ewdestine (something like that)
          (and my favorite) Ello, it’s me
"Ello, it's me, screaming in frustration at how bad your answers are"

The ___________________  _______  __________________(The Sound of Music)
The lunchbags of terror
The goat on the sun
           The great train ride
           The last epic aunschluss           
           The hills have eyes (Maybe that’s the real reason Maria didn’t want to be a nun…?)
3.    I have _______________________________(I have confidence) 
I have a boo boo
 I have stuff to do
I have to go
I have good news
I have the bubble guts  (Sounds like a personal problem)

4.    The ________________________ goatherd (The Lonely Goatherd)
The goats goatherd
The peoples goatherd ("I've always like that guy...he's a real people's goatherd, ya know?")
The chorus goatherd (That’s my street name, fyi)

5.    16 ___________________ on _______ (16 going on 17)
16 going on 16 (Somewhere along the line, public school math failed this kid)

6.    How do you _______________ a __________________ like ______________________? (How do you solve a problem like Maria?)
How do you get a dress like that?
     How do you know a man likes dogs?
    How do you know a dog likes you?
   How do you know a girl likes you?
   How do you catch a girl like Maurice?
  How do you make a shoe like Lebrons?
 (All of these are accurate google search terms for middle schoolers)

7.    __________________ every ________________________ (Climb every mountain)
Nazis everywhere
Mountain every, you climb  (thank you, Yoda)

"Ford every stream, you must"
Short answer time!
Question 1:  Who wrote “The Sound of Music”? (2 last names – bonus points if you know their first names too!)
Jackson and Bausinhimar II (Not to be confused with Bausinhimar the first. That guy was trash)
Robert and Olaf
 Heinrich and Schliemann (You have to admit, this kid did a decent job on faux German names)
 Rhodrick and Kendall
 Bill Nye (He’s not just a science guy!)
Alberstein and Wolfgard
Harmanstin and Hammarnstin  ( I mean, what are the chances these 2 guys found each other and became writing partners??)

Question 2: What was the Anschluss?
  A young lady
 their maid
the woman the Captain was going to marry first
when Heltler became in controle of Astria (Ah, Hetler…)

Question 3: Why does Herr Zeller want to speak with the Captain when he returns from his honeymoon?
Because he needs to go on a trip with Hitler  (“a trip”…. “World War 2”…tomato, tom-ah-to)
He likes the oldest kid (Love triangle!)
He wants to find good singers who can make money for him (Also how the Backstreet Boys were formed I believe)
 Because he wants a nanny (Herr Zeller’s been a bad, bad Nazi)

Who, me?
Question 4: At the end of the film, who is chasing the Vontrapps?
Rolf and the gourds (coincidentally, that’s the name of my Rodgers and Hammerstein cover band)

This is our album cover. If you knew how much time this took me to make, you'd really judge my life choices.

Question 5: If the Captain and the Baronness get married, what will happen to the children?
They’ll never sing again
The children will have a queer as a mother (Pretty sure this kid meant Queen…which is still wrong)
"Don't even pretend I'm not the most fabulous person in this movie"
Question 6: In which country does the story take place?

Question 7:  Maria isn’t a very good nun – why not?
She is too straight forward with the Captain.
Um, because she’s married and has 7 kids?  (“Duh, Mrs. McCurdy. C’mon.”)

Question 8: Name 3 of Maria’s favorite things:
maple stroodles  (I just love this spelling J)
bee stings and dog bites (Context in song lyrics is important guys)
da fiddles (This kid meant daffodils but spelling is hard, y’all)
unicorns?  (Can I tell you how many kids put this?? What the hell guys, unicorns aren’t real!)
 girls and boys in blue satan sacks (Again, spelling will get ya!)
roses, champain, men (Sounds like an episode of The Bachelor)
Toaster struddles  (This is how I shall now pronounce Toaster Streudels from hence forth)
Pink, pampered poodles  (Yes, because of ALL the poodles in this movie…)
daphidillos  (see below)

And here we have the wild and rare daffidillo

And my favorite answer:   whisks on kittens

Well of course they're one of Maria's favorite things, THEY'RE ADORABLE

Question 9:  During "So Long, Farewell", why does Liesl want to stay at the ball? (To drink her first champagne)
To go out with the mailman 
Good ‘ole wine!  (Love this answer J )
So she won’t go to jail (Not sure of her crime. Maybe something to do with dating the mailman?)
So she can meat her prince, Rogurt  (So much wrong with this answer. Also, so much hilarious)
So many jokes about packages and handling, I couldn't pick one.
Question 10:  At the ball, Maria and the Captain demonstrate the landler. What is the landler?
A really seductive dance  (Can’t tell you how creeped out I am that this kid found the landler “seductive”)

Question 11:    The children put on a puppet show for the Baroness – what is it about?
Love and goats (Story of my life, amiright??)

Question 12:    Kurt tells Maria that their last fraulein told him he was “incorrigible” – what does “incorrigible” mean?
It means he snores
Not corrigible  (Well played, sir)
He’s good at incorriging people  (I'm not very "incorriged" by your answers...)

Question 13: If you were playing a part in the musical, who would you be AND WHY?
-I’d want to be Liesl so I could smack Rolf in the face when he rejects me
-The chief because he seems cool and I like how he goes from girl to another  (So, the Captain is a player? I mean, this kids not wrong…)
-The guy in the army because he works out and stuff
-Rolf, because I am the deceiver. (Um….does Rolf wear blue Satan slacks?)
-None, I don’t like anyone in the story and I most definitely don’t like Hitler sooooo……
-I’d want to be Max the Butler because that guy’s suspicious 
-I would be Max (the butler) because he gets to hang out at the house alone when the Captain is gone (Same kid. Same)
"I'm so alone, Maria. So very alone"

 Question 14:
                  What happens between Rolf and Liesl in the gazebo?
She almost shoots him
they have a fist fight (What movie were these kids watching??)

Question 15: Complete the lyrics!

Do, a ______________ a ________________ deer
scene of a dead deer,  a beautiful, a beautiful deer
Re, a ______________ of golden _________________
Buick of golden rings, fish of golden scales,
Mi, a name I call my ______________mom, owl
Fa, a long long way to _________________ smell
So, a _________________ pulling ___________________guy pulling a rope, an ox pulling a trailer, wagon pulling pilgrims,
La, a ____________________ to follow _____________________La, a la, to follow a llama (Best answer J )
Ti, a drink with _______________________ and _____________________ a drink with the Captain and Max,

And these answers all came from 1 student who clearly had no clue, but did a darn nice job making it up:
Do, a maiden, a dandy deer
Re, a touch of golden clouds
Mi, a name I call my mother
Fa, a long long way to heaven
So, a hand pulling love
La, a rainbow to follow luck
Ti, a drink with clouds and destiny!


Question 15: This movie came out in 1965 and is still the most popular movie musical of all time. Why do you think it still appeals to audiences?

It still appeals to old people because old people like old movies (Ain’t it the truth though)

Maybe because people really love the movies and it’s a good movie and old people like to watch movies over and over again (This kid has been forced to sit through many viewings of “On Golden Pond”)
"I don't care what they say, Donald, this movie is fun for all ages!"
Because of the ROMANCE (Just remember: an 11 year old chose this as their answer J )

It has adventure, singing, romance, dancing – I mean, what else does it need??  (WHAT ELSE, INDEED?!?)
Because its fun to whack and the rob mantiz (For Pete’s sake. I think this kid meant “Because it’s fun to watch and the romance” because you know, that makes sense.)

So, according to my 6th graders....

“The Sound of Music”, written by Bill Nye the Science Guy, tells the story of Maria, a unicorn-loving nun living in Astoryor, who is sent away from her Abbey to become the governess for a Chief and his 7 children: Liess, Friefrich, Louios, Buigietta, Barta, and Geetie (plus one more whose name is super forgettable apparently). They badly need a governess, especially the oldest one who is dating their mailman, Rogurt.  She teaches them songs like “Enchilada", "The lunchbags of terror", and "How do you know a man likes dogs?". They also learn about her favorite things: maple stroodles, the Bachelor, and dog bites.  Maria soon falls in love with the Chief who has wooed her with a seductive dance.  He breaks it off with his Baroness girlfriend (good thing, since she was super gay). Confused, Maria returns to her Mother Superior, who teaches her the ways of the Jedi. She returns to the mansion and marries the Captain, but whilst on their honeymoon, the Anschluss (when Heltler took controle of Astoryor) happens and they rush home to find Herr Zeller, who is desperate to put together the next great boy band. The Chief refuses and the family tries to escape to Suitsorlind while being chased by the mailman and some squash. In the end, they make their way to Suitsorlind: land of Ti- a drink with clouds and destiny!

Sounds right to me! :)

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